DOG TAGS

We've always been fascinated by automobile license tags which were formerly called license plates. That transition, like so many, was made without our advice or consent. It just happened one day in much the same way that meaningful words become hijacked, altered in pronunciation or meaning or are simply banned. One may no longer be fat, crazy or stupid. The person is unchanged, but they are now tagged by more...sensitive terms.

Such a change may be made by someone on some network on perhaps a Monday. If by Wednesday you have not complied with the new tag, people in the street will look at you as if your face was one big running sore.

We have been very pleased by the manner in which the South Carolina DMV, once called the "Highway Department" in the less advanced days, had tagged us. Until May 31, 2009, we were graced by a beautiful plate with a baby blue field and a white cloud center to offset the alpha-numerics by which we are known to the motoring world. The slogan, "Smiling Faces - Beautiful Places," was nice, but fortunately lost in the blue peaks atop the plate which symbolize the mountains we almost have in S.C. . Well, the Palmetto tree did look a bit too much like a feather duster, but the overall beauty of the plate made us proud to have state's name also in blue below.

When the DMV or KGB to our way of thinking, sent the new license plate to our door we thought it was a cheap joke done up on an ink jet printer by a deranged friend. It has the dreadful color scheme of a New Mexico tag and by no mean enchanting in these parts. Now the letters precede the numbers, but you can't read them anyway. When we tore through some hamlet scaring chickens and children, a good citizen would tell the police that it was Blue Mustang with 322 on the tag. Now, they'll probably report the first three characters as " F 7 J ". We looked closely at the packing in which it arrived to see if it was also an air sick bag. How can you have any respect for something which looks like a place mat from a taco joint?

First of all it came not from Columbia, our State Capital, but from ...Blythewood, SC. How can anything official which you must by state law pay for and post upon your car not come from Columbia? Next, it's not really metal or any other known material and totally flat, NOT embossed, no raised lettering. The guy who stole our last car should be in prison, in Columbia hand stamping the tag for our next car. Now, that would be not only justice, but sustainability.